by Jan MacLean
Warning: this article may not be suitable to all tastes, biases, or preferences, but it is, none the less, someone expressing their views.
Sorry about the language in the last article. The editor was trying to make a point. The point is I don’t say “dorks” or “heck”. I say “assholes” and “fuck” and I mean it and so does anybody I’m trying to reach when I write scenery. You want me to be more eloquent in my speech? Effective writing has nothing to do with sentence structre and proper nouns. It has everything to do with feeling, emotion, and getting the point across to the people it is intended for. If you don’t like the language, don’t read, no – DON’T JUDGE – my fucking article. (ed. note – that last one may be a little gratuitous, but… what the heck, eh?)
CONTEST COVERAGE – first of all, take back what you said about small, shitty prizes. Jackets, pants, toques, shirts from Rewind, Blind & Spare for top 3’s and some magazines and stuff for everyone who entered. Alternative Sports is supporting our scene to the point of it being a money-losing proposition for the shop. Someone really cares about our scene and we should put back what we can by buying our gear from Trev. Do you think any of the ski shops would do this for us? Also a special thanks to Q-Ranch distribution for kickin’ in too. Hell, they don’t even know us. Alrighty then, here’s who won and stuff…
4-5 Years Riding: 1/ Jan MacLean; 2/ Ryan Leudy; 3/ Al MacLean
3-4 Years Riding: 1/ Jason MacDonald; 2/ Andrew Yorke; 3/ Kyle Bragg
1-2 Years Riding: 1/ Timmy (eats peanut butter with a spoon); 2/ ?? I’ll get you next issue; 3/ Messed up Stu from Glace Bay
Notably absent from ranking is Harry Doyle, who was ripping all week and the day of the contest, but just screwed up and didn’t land much. Same with Craig Davis. These guys are easily in the class of riding as the winners and deserve some credit. Usually someone runs away with first place, but this time it was really tight between me and Ryan the whole day. The judges put me on top in the end and I won a whole Spare suit and bragging rights. Thanks everyone.
First Overall: Jan MacLean Big Air: Peter Rogers – Mute Best Trick: Darcy – Misty FlipBooby Prize: Glennie MacDOnald and some hurtin’ sunglasses.
I get a kick out of people who treat the GAP as some kind of demi-God. It’s a lump of snow with no middle. What’s the big deal? A real gap has some significance attached to it if you don’t make it. “Hey Bye! Do the GAP!” Ooooh, scary! I might bruise my bum-bum.
A STORY… about Fraggles. The workers at Ben Eoin call the park “Fraggle Rock” and refer jokingly to themselves as “Doozers”. They make a bunch of stuff and we go up and eat it cause we’re the Fraggles. You have to admit, it’s kind of funny. Thanks for all the work you guys are putting into the park this year, Ben Eoin. You are making an excellent, best yet park for us in the worst winter on record. Thanks.
ANOTHER STORY – I was dropping off some skis I waxed to a salesman at Ramsey’s Honda on King’s Road. While I was calling Muller to see how much they cost, I overheard the salesman say to the other two suit-and-tie guys that he got the skis for $99. After I hung up the phone I went out and said, “How much do you owe the shop for those skis?” Right off the top of his head he said “$55.00”. The two suits didn’t flinch, because that’s how they rip you off all day, trying to sell you their cars. P.S. Muller went back and got all his money. They guy made some lame excuse about his wife lying again.
I forgot last issue, but POSER OF THIS MONTH is Geoff Keough, who can’t land shit for shit. All that talk … UCCB radio station people: It’s a P.A. system. Get over it. No one can make out what you say anyway … has anyone gotten their punch passed yet? …er, you know what I mean … I saw JUG “fuck the system” Legg a few weeks ago. He had on a big white Campus Security jacket at a show at UCCB. Cape Breton’s own Jello Biafra has turned his back on all he stood for and joined the ranks of the masses, as a rent-a-cop. Oh my God, what is the world coming to? Anyway, next issue will be a full report on Marble Mountain, where I’m going in two hours.